What to Do When You Really Want to Message an Ex Just to Let Them Know You Hope Theyre Doing Okay
Should I Text My Ex? 7 Exercise'southward & Don'ts Of Reaching Out To An Ex
Last updated on January eighteen, 2021
Sometimes, you even so take more than to say afterwards a breakup. Yous have something you need to become off your chest before you lot can move on, or you want to apologize for something y'all did. Peradventure you even want to get dorsum together. If you're considering reaching out to an ex, thinking near what exactly information technology is that you desire and how the other person volition perceive your communication can aid yous make the correct decision. Here are some things to consider when trying to answer that large question on your listen: Should I text my ex?
i. Don't text your ex impulsively.
Think before you text your ex. If you do reach out, exist intentional. You should know exactly why you're reaching out before yous do information technology, so yous don't waste either person's time or stir upwards hurt unnecessarily.
A few questions to remember about:
- What exactly do you hope to gain by reaching out to your ex?
- How practice you promise the conversation volition go?
- Is this going to do good them? Or will it but benefit you?
- Could this potentially hurt your ex or make it harder for them to move on?
You don't necessarily need to cut off all contact with your ex to get over a breakdown, only in some cases, the "no-contact rule" really is the most effective way to motion on.
2. Don't text if it's non going to be helpful for yous both.
Ideally, yous should simply reach out if y'all actually believe the advice volition exist positive for both parties. That means you probably shouldn't achieve out but because you're lonely, sad, or horny. You also probably shouldn't achieve out simply to reiterate your indicate of view about what went incorrect in the relationship, unless yous actually believe it'll assist your ex feel better or grow. Reaching out to repent to an ex for your hurtful deportment can exist actually meaningful to them, as long equally information technology'south about making them feel validated and not just about immigration your own conscience.
Sometimes it can also be helpful to allow your ex know the ways they've hurt you. In addition to giving you closure, the information can assist them learn how to non repeat their hurtful beliefs in futurity relationships. Just if what you want to say isn't benign to your ex's growth or their healing procedure—or you know they're not likely to learn and modify their behavior based on what you say—it may non actually be necessary or fruitful for yous to reach out. You may benefit from just writing a letter or email airing out everything you want to say only never actually sending the letter of the alphabet.
three. Do be upfront.
Be clear nigh what you desire when y'all contact them. When almost people become a text or message from their ex, they'll immediately wonder, "What do they want?" Some part of them may suspect (or, depending on the state of affairs, hope) you want to get back together. Be equally direct and transparent as possible.
If you desire to get back together…
You can achieve out and say, "I've been thinking about you lately and wanted to meet how yous're doing. Want to meet for java?" When yous see each other, you can explain how you experience and why you think you two should requite the relationship a 2d chance.
If your goal is closure…
You can also ship a text asking to go java or to have a chat, or yous tin can just say what you need to say via text, email, or fifty-fifty a phone phone call. Either way, don't string them along. Be clear about exactly why you're reaching out so your ex isn't left wondering.
4. Do be realistic about how your ex will respond.
Exist aware of whether your ex can really requite you what you need. If your goal is to get answers to questions you still have about the breakup, reach out merely if you believe your ex has your all-time intentions at middle or if you believe your ex will be willing to give you honest answers.
If your breakdown was hostile, cluttered, or involved one or both people getting deeply hurt, understand your ex may not be willing to assist yous go better closure—either because they don't intendance about your well-being, they're also resentful, or they just got also hurt and need to take care of themselves.
5. Do be respectful of their current relationship status.
At that place's no rule maxim you can't text your ex merely because they're in a new relationship, only practise be considerate. If they seem genuinely happy with someone else, let them be happy. Y'all can still achieve out if you need closure or feel like you should apologize for something y'all did in the relationship, but exist sure to directly country that you're non looking to get back together—you just want to talk.
6. Do enquire to come across in person when appropriate.
Consider whether what you want to say is all-time said over text, by phone, or in person. If you just want to apologize and make peace, a text exchange might be sufficient, especially if you think seeing each other face to face again might exist too hard or too confusing.
But if you want to discuss the possibility of getting back together, that's probably a conversation all-time had in person. If you experience similar you don't fully understand why you broke up or there'south more to discuss about what happened in your relationship, that conversation might be a little also long and complex to try to have by text—an in-person coming together might be necessary to really get what y'all both need.
vii. Don't keep to contact them if they don't reply.
If your ex hasn't responded to your texts, DMs, social media comments, or whatsoever other form of communication, information technology's time to back off. They might non want whatever course of communication with you lot, and y'all need to exist able to respect their decision and their needs. Their silence says all you need to know about the prospect of getting back together or being friends over again. Even if you lot're sending a thoughtful, well-worded amends text, empathise that your ex doesn't owe y'all gratitude, forgiveness, or really annihilation.
The bottom line: If you're going to reach out and text your ex, be thoughtful and exercise a lot of empathy.
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